A page from MSner's diary!

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As I woke up today from my bed, whole world seemed to swirl around me. Scared, I closed my eyes immediately and a horribly confused thought crossed my mind - is it just the hangover from the last night's party or another relapse! Gathering strength and reassurance, I slowly raised my shivering body out of the bed. I spent the rest 12 hours of the day balancing my mind and running through the tiniest detail or deterioration if I must put it that way more clearly, in my health over the past few days, that I may have ignored due to increasing work pressure. The tip of my fingers did feel numb and every now and then I would feel my head suddenly going out of balance and so did my body.

I finally decided to see my doctor in the evening. As a usual practice, he asked me to walk over a straight line which I clearly couldn't. He scribbled down the same set of medications that I always have. What I couldn't understand was, why was I getting these symptoms when I take my medication regularly. He asked me not to stress about it and continue the medication. I came back to my home and went on to take a shower. The warm drops of water seemed to drench and wash away the worry for a little while and then as I lowered my head for a wash, it struck.........my gut tightened as if it was stripped off of life, my head got awfully heavy all in a matter of a few seconds and suddenly everything turned black in front of my eyes. When I opened my eyes, I saw myself lying on the floor having no memory of the past few seconds or minutes, I could not decipher that.

And yes it was a relapse! I spent the next 5 days in the hospital getting corticosteriod shots. Not every time these symptoms repeat, so its difficult to know when you're going to relapse. Sometimes, you have double vision, shaking hands and numbness over any body part, you can't be sure. Its like a battle with yourself each day to live one more day or just to survive. Your happiness is constantly being shadowed by this uncertain fear and frustrating reactions of people who think its nothing but spondylitis!

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